On Love

Love On Love

After decades of thinking, experiencing, longing, and searching for love, I am coming to peace with this most challenging of emotions that we all endure. The labor of love is real and confusing by its very nature. If it were easy to figure out, it would result in something less desirous, and we would seek something else. That is not the case here: the complexity of our love draws it deeper into our hearts and creates a thirst we cannot satisfy. Even during our last days, we struggle to level the playing field with those we have relationships with, looking through the foggy window to their heart.

Love's Fragile Dance

Love, in its delicate and fragile form, is a unique exchange—a tender dance between souls. It is not a common occurrence, but it is a precious moment. When offering love, you extend an invitation, an unspoken plea for reciprocity. If accepted, the recipient steps onto a precarious bridge, trusting their love will balance the scales. This ethereal transaction is adorned by a fiery red cross beneath the surface—feel its heat.

My maternal grandmother had this rare gift; she wove love into her every action, leaving warmth in her wake. My wife, too, understands this intricate exchange. Their love flows freely, unburdened by rules or definitions—a silent pact understood without words.

Love at Sloan Kettering

There is a place where love defies the harsh reality of illness. At Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York, a floor dedicated to pediatric patients provides a glimpse into this spectrum. Within those walls, doctors dared not intrude. Instead, children played, their laughter echoing off transparent walls as they shed their pain and confusion, carrying immense hope. I watched a boy push a fire engine and a young girl play with a make-believe house. These moments of joy were tinged with fear as we wondered if our son, Dylan, might soon be among them.

The Young Warriors of Love

In the waiting room, mingling with these young warriors, I saw some on crutches and others wheeling intravenous stands. Toys scattered across the floor, and their eyes—filled with lifetimes of joy—stood out. Bald from chemotherapy or bearing scars, they embraced each moment with fearless fun despite their uncertain futures. Their courage and resilience, a beacon of hope, resonated with me as I, too, was facing the uncertainty of my son's health. They showed love in its purest form, moremeaningful than we could fully understand. I prayed they would still be there when we returned with Dylan, their resilience inspiring hope in my heart.

Lessons of Love

Guilt tugged at my heart as I saw their resilience while they fought battles beyond my comprehension. Yet, their willingness to give love, even in scarcity, taught me that love multiplies. I accepted their gifts, humbled by their courage. These children were the bravest fighters for love I have ever known.

The Endurance of Love

Then there was Karen, my sister. The cancer had ravaged her body, yet she fought bravely for a year. In her final days, I stayed by her side constantly. We hoped for a miracle, but she knew otherwise. As her organs failed, I asked a nurse one April evening, "Is my sister just a beating heart?" Her stark response was—"Yes. Let her go"—still echoes in my mind. I sat beside Karen, whispered my love, and told her it was okay to pass. I held her hand as she left us, grappling with the enormity of her loss. Though cancer had taken her body, her love endured, transcending illness and mortality—a testament to the enduring bonds that connect us, providing comfort and reassurance in the face of loss, a love that will always be with us.

Karen's final days were a profound experience of love's endurance. Her battle with cancer was a testament to her strength and the enduring bonds that connected us.

Confucius On Love

Confucius said, "To rank the effort above the prize may be called love." Confucius's idea of love as an effort rather than a prize resonates deeply with me. Investing time and being present in someone's life, especially during their last moments, revealslove's true essence.

It is about investing time, being present, and taking part fully. For me, investing time in something good is love. To be present while someone fights to live or to cross over may be the most meaningful effort I have ever made. On that saddest day, amidst loss, I found love.

Eternal Bonds

We returned to Sloan each month for Dylan's tests. Watching the sick children's freedom and their piercing smiles reminded me of life's mysterious ways. Even a decade later, their lessons endure, shaping my perspective and enriching my life. They taught me that life, no matter how difficult, can be enriched by carefree moments. They made me a better man. When we learned Dylan was not suffering from cancer, we drove to the Jersey Shore boardwalk, a place of joy and relaxation, for some fun.

The Warmth of Love

Though I still struggle with accepting Karen's death, her love keeps me warm. The pain of losing love through rejection or separation is profound, a reminder of what is missing, like a lonely foghorn in the distance. I have experienced love through the crucial women in my life—my wife, mother, sister, and others. Love clings to us, fading behind new loves but stayinguniquely tied to each bond. It is often misaligned, misused, and mistaken for something else.

Love's Rich Tapestry

Love arrives from those who share it, and its worth is feltdeeply, especially when it is gone. Love is a gift, valued differently with each exchange. It forms a unique tapestry, never to be repeated. To be in love is to engage in a continuous cycle: a present given, received, accepted, and returned.

*And In the End

My final task was to tell our parents about Karen's passing. They found relief for her, a painful end, and a new beginning amid the mystery we all look to understand. While they would never get over her early passing, they learned to accept its grace...accepting the unacceptable. 

The Love You Take

Love is a trade that must remain equal if it is to stick, grow profoundly, and endure life's daily challenges. Work must be performed to experience the joys of the effort you put into accepting and increasing love.

Is Equal To

This cycle allows love to grow, struggle, and sometimes fail, but it is never static. Love requires attention and affirmation, evolving through acceptance or rejection. Navigating love involves countless questions and uncertainties. We ponder the risks—denial, embarrassment, missed opportunities—and sometimes delay, waiting for an invitation to extend love. This painful decision-making process can be necessary. Love is not always extraordinary or magical. While it can be, it more often affects us with the pain it causes.

The foil of love pierces our hearts. It stings like a yellow jacket on a piping red hot day. One where your sweat beads on your forehead, then drips into your eyes, nipping at them with saline tears. The momentary discomfort will wash away. But the love in your heart is immersed. It becomes a part of what makes you, you. It is there and always will be. That is why it hurts so much when we have lost it through rejection or lose the ability to handle ourselves. The only evidence of existing remains, the missing and the missing and more missing, like a lonely foghornout at sea. 

The Love You Make

It is no wonder so much pain comes from love gone sour. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Homer's Iliad were more about the dangers of love than the heartwarming stuff to which we are all attracted. Love is a reason for death, wars, and everything short of the plague or financial crisis. It needs a deep well for all the crying that will overflow with an ocean of tears from the masses of people experiencing it.

The ancient Greeks said there are eight types of love and that all types can be combined to create diverse types of love. That means there are over 40,000 distinct kinds of love. The sheer number and all the good it can do for us are among the many reasons why we should pursue love, understand it, share it, and protect it. 

Oh Ah

All of us experience love. While love is a custom type of engagement between the people who share it, it is something all people feel and true lovers understand. Our problems arise when we try to force it and abandon its most potent force. 

Love is made up of perfectly perfect imperfections. Choose your passion carefully and handle it with great care. If you are judgedon the day of reckoning, how you respected love and whom you shared it with may be the most important factor. This is an excellent point to consider while we still have time to affect our love. 

Peace,

*The Beatles “The End” 1969.