The Genie in the Bottle of Merlot - 10/8/24 A Lifetime of Yesterday's

My habit didn't quit. I was always aware of the sound an empty bottle would make when I threw it in the garbage in our kitchen. I also noticed it when I brought the trash to the city garbage can. I'd throw the bag in and hear the bottles rattling together. It always made me think I was drinking too much. I would get reminded when our neighbor would empty his garbage into his outside can. He drank even more than me. His poison is beer and vodka, so there is a mix of bottle sizes. They seem to make more noise that way. It still reminded me I drank too much. If that wasn't enough to remind me of my problem, I awoke every day with a heavy, dark headache, depending on how much water I drank during the night. A big bottle would take some of the edge off my hangover in the morning after working so hard to create it for myself the night before. Less water leads to a stricter morning headache - rarely did I awaken without one. If I didn't, I ate more than usual before bed.

I remember each morning, as I drove east on the road we lived on, I would come to the corner and prepare for a right turn. The sun would be in my face and make me squint my eyes. Each morning, I would think, "You are killing yourself." Next would be either, "So what." or "I don't care." Every day started this way. An hour passed, and I arrived at work; I felt a little better. I would work my ass off each day and, on some days, get a nasty headache from being dehydrated. I lied that these were migraines, which I did have occasionally, but these were headaches from drinking too much alcohol. So I hid behind the migraine to keep people off balance and wondering what was ailing me. I had a big job with lots of people (about two hundred) that I managed. On top of the people, I was responsible for profitable revenue, so the pressure was considerable and ample reason for stress-induced headaches. I had enough excuses to keep my head in alcohol's space.

Alcoholism is the most selfish, self-inflicted disease you allow into your head. Your head is where it starts; your liver is where it ends. Alcoholism is deadly for you and anyone you come in contact with. I can't believe I let it happen to me. I had every excuse possible to drive me into the genie bottle of alcohol. Talk about thinking the world revolves around me.

Peace, Chris